RETURN OF JOKEY
by Shadowgate
Summary: I don't own Foster's Home. Craig McCracken and his team at Cartoon Network do. This story is loaded with horror, profanity, and all sorts of stuff your mother does not want you to read.
1. Chapter 1

RETURN OF JOKEY

BY SHADOWGATE

I DON'T OWN FOSTER'S HOME FOR IMAGINARY FRIENDS. MADAM FOSTER DOES NO WAIT CRAIG MCCRACKEN DOES OR NO IT'S UM CARTOON NETWORK OH NEVERMIND

(IT'S TIME FOR A NEW FOSTER'S FAN FIC FOR ALL FOSTER'S LOVERS OUT THERE. THIS ONE IS RATED 'M' BECAUSE IT HAS CHARACTER DEATHS, LOTS OF BLOOD, PROFANITY, AND STUFF YOUR MOTHER DOES NOT WANT YOU TO READ. SO ENJOY!)

IT'S JUST ANOTHER DAY AT FOSTER'S ACCEPT MAC IS NOW 12 YEARS OLD AND FRANKIE HAS INHERITED THE HOUSE SINCE THE RECENT PASSING OF HER GRANDMOTHER.

Mac: Bloo

Bloo: Yes Mac!

Mac: Frankie would like you to clean up your room.

BLOO GIVES MAC THE RASBERRY.

Mac: Hey Bloo how would you like to spend the day in time out?

Bloo: Who are you to threaten me with time outs?

Mac: Duh I created you. Plus if I don't put you in time out Frankie will.

Bloo: Who left Frankie in charge? Is this now Frankie's Foster Home?

Mac: BLOO!

Mac: I know it's hard Bloo. Madame Foster was truly a living legend. It's been a month since she passed away peacefully in her sleep. We have to move on. 

Bloo: You're right Mac.

Mac: Glad you're coming to your senses.

Mac: Frankie will run this place as well as her late grandma. Now it's time for you to clean up this room. Since Cocoa and Eduardo got adopted and Wilt took Mr. Herriman's place you now have your own fucking room. You're lucky to have your own fucking room. Now I would suggest you start cleaning it.

Bloo: Okay

Mac: Since I am your creator how about "yes sir" or "yes boss?"

Bloo: You're right my creator. I do owe you a lot more respect than I've shown you in the past.

FRANKIE GETS ON THE LOUD SPEAKER AND CALLS MAC TO HER OFFICE.

Mac: Alright when I get back I want to see this room clean.

Bloo: Absolutely Mac because you're the boss.

MAC GOES TO SEE FRANKIE AND WILT IN THE MAIN OFFICE.

Frankie: Mac I have some news you might like.

Mac: You're going to kill my brother Terrance and frame my mom so she'll go to prison for the rest of her life and then I can live here?

Frankie: Mac I know you and Terrance are not getting along but I can't believe the level of anger sometimes.

Mac: Well he just pisses me off. 

Frankie: Look he'll never amount to anything you'll be number one next to him always. So just look at better and brighter things.

Mac: Like the good news you're about to tell me?

Frankie: Well there's good news and bad news.

Mac: Alright

Frankie: The good news is Jokey the Clown is back.

Mac: Oh the kid who adopted him outgrew him? You know the timing is perfect since your Grandma passed away his jokes could cheer us up.

Frankie: Well there's bad news.

Mac: He's already been re-adopted out again to another kid?

Frankie: No Mac

Mac: Well what is it?

Frankie: The boy who adopted him four years ago was found hanging in his room.

Mac: Hanging?

Frankie: They believe it was suicide.

Mac: Holy shit

Frankie: Jokey has already been settled in his room but give him a day or so to rest.

Mac: Sure 

MAC GOES BACK TO BLOO'S ROOM.

Bloo: Mac I cleaned up my room.

Mac: That's great Bloo.

Bloo: No big celebration! This is the best cleaning job I've done in my life.

Mac: Well Bloo right now we have issues.

Bloo: Mac if you're gay it's okay. Let your feelings come out.

Mac: Bloo I'm not gay. 

Bloo: Is Terrance causing more trouble?

Mac: That's not it Bloo. The fact is Jokey is back. His adoptive family returned him because their son outgrew him.

Bloo: More jokes! 

Mac: Well yes

Bloo: Oh Mac you remember that day four years ago when he was adopted and we rebelled? Oh shit they tied us up and locked us in the fucking closet.

Mac: Yes I remember but then we changed our ways and promoted the house policy of adopting imaginary friends.

Bloo: Yes

Mac: That's irrelevant right now.

Bloo: Why is it irrelevant?

Mac: Well that whole issue is irrelevant because we're standing here wasting time instead of finding Jokey and laughing our asses off.

MAC PULLED A QUICK SAVE AND RUSHED OUT OF BLOO'S ROOM. BLOO IMMEDIATELY CHASED AFTER HIM AND THEY CAUGHT UP WITH JOKEY.

Mac: Jokey

Jokey: Mac! Bloo!

Bloo: It's good to have you back.

Jokey: I got a joke for you.

Mac: Tell it

Jokey: Did you hear the one about "daddy's rubber ducky?"

Mac: No

DADDY'S RUBBERDUCKY

AS TOLD BY JOKEY

_A boy walks in to the bathroom where his dad is bathing in the tub. He sees his dad jacking off in the bathtub._

Mac: Oh shit (laughs)

_The boy asked his dad what he was doing and his dad said "I'm playing with my rubber ducky." The boy asked if he could play and daddy told him to go ahead. The boy starts jerking his dad off and then all of a sudden a scream his heard all the way downstairs._

Bloo: Goddamn (laughs)

_The boy's mom came rushing up and saw a ton of blood all over the bathroom and she asked "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?"_

_The boy said "I was playing with daddy's rubber ducky, it sprayed me in the face so I bit off its' head."_

MAC AND BLOO FALL OVER LAUGHING SO HARD.

Mac: Bloo I think I busted my guts.

Bloo: I can't breathe.

AFTER 15 MINUTES THEY STOP LAUGHING

Mac: I am exhausted.

Bloo: Me too

Mac: I got to get going.

Bloo: See you tomorrow Mac

MAC LEAVES AND THE EVENTFUL DAY COMES TO AN END.

THE NEXT DAY MAC ARRIVES AT 3PM.

Mac: Hey Bloo what's going on?

Bloo: Jokey told a dozen more jokes.

Mac: Oh I'll bet.

Bloo: Hey Mac you take showers every morning before school right?

Mac: Yes

Bloo: Do you play with your rubber ducky in the shower?

Mac: BLOO!

Bloo: Well if you do there's nothing wrong with that.

Mac: Bloo I'm your creator and you don't ask me fucking questions like that.

Bloo: Sorry

Wilt: That was very disgusting.

Mac: Let's just hit the game room.

Bloo: Alright

BLOO AND MAC ARE WALKING THROUGH GIANT HALLWAY WHEN SUDDENLY THEY HEAR AN ANNOUNCEMENT OVER THE INTERCOM.

**ATTENTION EVERYONE: THIS IS BLOO REGARD Q KAZOO AND I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE. **

Bloo: What the hell?

**AS YOU KNOW FRANKIE FOSTER HAS BEEN THE CHIEF OF THIS JOINT FOR QUITE SOME TIME. IF YOU THINK SHE CAN RUN THIS PLACE DURING THE DAYTIME WELL YOU SHOULD SEE HER AT NIGHT BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE REAL ACTION IS. THAT BITCH CAN SHOVE A DILDO SO FAR UP HER ASS IT COMES OUT OF HER MOUTH. SHE CAN LITERALLY BEND OVER BACKWARDS WHEN SHE WANTS TO SUCK IT. SHE CAN DO IT ALL YEAHHHHHHHHH!!**

THE ENTIRE HOUSE FREAKED OUT. FRANKIE WAS IN THE KITCHEN CLEANING UP A SPILL AND SOON REALIZED SHE HAD A MUCH BIGGER MESS ON HER HANDS.

MAC AND BLOO FIND THEMSELVES IN FRANKIE'S OFFICE.

Mac: I know what you're thinking but Bloo was standing right with me in the hallway when this happened. Someone is framing Bloo.

Frankie: First of all Mac I heard from Wilt that Bloo talked dirty to you when you got here. 

Mac: That's true but he didn't pull that prank over the intercom. 

Frankie: You're the only one who is vouching for him and being his creator your word is suspect.

Mac: Come on now!

Bloo: I was with Mac!

Frankie: SILENCE BOTH OF YOU!

Frankie: Bloo you're grounded for a month. No movies, games, nothing.

BLOO GOES TO HIS ROOM.

Frankie: I must say Mac this of all times shouldn't be the time where you start covering for Bloo.

Mac: You think I'm lying?

Frankie: Mac talking dirty like that might be funny but if you go get a job and talk like that in the workplace you can get sued. If you speak like that in school you could get expelled. That talk had better be in private and certainly not done over the intercom. 

Mac: The truth is Bloo asked me if I played with myself in the shower when I got here.

Frankie: How did that make you feel? Do you want Bloo to keep this up?

Mac: No

Frankie: I suggest you quit covering for him. 

MAC WAS SHOCKED THAT HE COULDN'T GET THROUGH TO FRANKIE.

Mac: Frankie I can prove Bloo didn't do it if you'll just listen to me please. 

Frankie: Who else would have done it? 

Mac: Well Jokey has been telling dirty jokes.

Frankie: Jokey has been very helpful since his return and has always told clean jokes.

Mac: Years ago he did but he has a dirty mouth now.

Frankie: Mac now you're blaming Jokey of all imaginary friends who just returned from a tragic situation. I can't believe this.

Mac: I can prove Bloo didn't pull the prank. How did he get from the intercom all the way to the hallway so fast? I saw you rush from the kitchen and meet me in the hallway 10 seconds after the prank announcement was made. You saw Bloo standing with me so how was he able to move so fast?

Frankie: Sorry but we all know Bloo can slide as well as run at high speeds so that proves nothing.

Mac: But he was standing with me the whole time.

Frankie: Mac you are not doing any good by lying on Bloo's behalf.

MAC WAS FURIOUS!

Mac: I'M NOT A MOTHERFUCKING LIAR!!

20 MINUTES LATER

MAC IS SITTING IN THE CORNER OF THE FRONT OFFICE AND FRANKIE JUST GOT BACK FROM FINISHING IN THE KITCHEN.

Frankie: So Mac how are we doing in time out?

Mac: Embarrassed

Frankie: Well I think you should be. Stand up and face me.

Mac: Yes Ma'am!

Frankie: Mac for a long time you've done all the right things and today was not a good day. I'm really disappointed and disgusted with your dishonesty and you know that when you're here you are expected to adhere to Foster's rules. Anymore lying and arguing in a situation as severe as this one and I will take your pants down and whoop your fucking ass. 

MAC WAS CHOKED UP AND COULD BARELY BREATHE. BLOO WAS WRONGLY PUNISHED AND HE WAS IN SERIOUS TROUBLE WITH A VERY CLOSE FRIEND AND CARING ADULT MENTOR.

Frankie: I hope I made myself clear.

Mac: Very clear

MAC BEGAN TAKING DEEP BREATHS.

Frankie: Bloo is spending the next month in his room you are free to hang out with other imaginary friends. But if I find out you're mentioning another word about this whole situation to anyone in this house you're in really big trouble. You got it?

Mac: I got it and I um

Frankie: You got what?

Mac: I got the message and I accept the decisions you've made. 

Frankie: Good

Mac: Frankie the things that were said about you over the loudspeaker were vile and disgusting. I don't know what else to say.

Frankie: Exactly and we can't have that kind of crap going on. There has to be order in this house. I certainly hope you'll be the one who sets an example, especially for Bloo.

Mac: I will.

FRANKIE AND MAC HUG EACH OTHER TIGHT.

THE NEXT DAY MAC ARRIVED AT FOSTER'S.

Mac: Bloo?

Mac: Bloo?

Bloo: Go away I'm not happy.

Mac: Look I know it sucks that someone set you up like that. Maybe Frankie will come around and realize you are innocent.

Bloo: I don't know.

Mac: Things will turn out for the better.

ALL OF A SUDDEN LOUD SCREAMS ARE HEARD THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE. 

Mac: What the fuck!

BLOO AND MAC RUSH TOWARD THE RESTROOM.

Mac: What happened?

Wilt: I found Crackers in the toilet. He's dead!

Bloo: Holy shit

Mac: Goddamn

MAC LOOKS IN THE TOILET AND SEES CRACKERS FLOATING.

Mac: HOLY SHIT!!

WILT, MAC, AND BLOO ARE ALL IN FRANKIE'S ROOM SHAKING AND VERY UPSET.

Frankie: Well we aren't going to know anything until the coroner makes a ruling but I'd say this was a suicide.

Mac: A suicide?

Frankie: Yes

Mac: Since when do imaginary friends commit suicide?

Frankie: Well Mac you know that while most imaginary friends are good there are some bad ones out there.

Bloo: Like Bendy?

Frankie: Yes

Mac: Or that little bitch Berry.

Frankie: Yes

Bloo: I don't remember anyone named Berry.

Mac: Ugh

Frankie: While most imaginary friends are happy some are not. Some are depressed enough to commit suicide.

Bloo: There's been some weird stuff going on lately.

ALL OF THE SUDDEN THE INTERCOM BUZZES.

Speaker: Attention, Attention, this is Frankie Foster and I have really bad gas.

FARTING NOISES ARE HEARD OVER THE INTERCOM.

Mac: Holy crap

Bloo: Frankie someone is setting you up.

Frankie: When I get a hold of them they're going out the fucking door.

WHEN FRANKIE AND THE REST OF THEM GOT INTO THE MAIN OFFICE THEY FOUND A TAPE RECORDER PLAYING THE OBNOXIOUS FART SOUNDS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Frankie: Tell me Bloo you always did get a kick out of fart sounds right?

Bloo: Oh now don't you think for a minute that I am the one responsible. I've been with you, Mac, and Wilt for the last hour. There's no way I could have pulled this off.

Mac: He's right Frankie.

Wilt: I'd say so myself.

Frankie: Well alright.

Bloo: Alright?

Frankie: I mean alright it's not you. 

Bloo: Maybe it wasn't me who said the dirty things about you over the intercom either.

Frankie: You know now that's a very real possibility.

MAC AND BLOO SMILED BIG.

Frankie: Look Bloo as much as I hate to say this you are right about strange stuff going on in this house. I'm going to lift the punishment, you're not grounded anymore but I want you and Mac to always stay together until we find out what's going on.

Mac: Got it

ALL OF THE SUDDEN ANOTHER FART SOUND IS HEARD.

Frankie: Wilt shut that Goddamn thing off.

Wilt: Right away

Frankie: You two go play a game or something. Just don't separate.

Bloo: What if Mac has to use the bathroom?

Mac: Bloo Goddamn it.

Frankie: At this point I would actually prefer you stand in the stall with him to make sure he does not end up like Crackers.

Mac: Oh come on Frankie I'm not going to drown in the toilet.

Frankie: I never thought anyone would whether they were human or an imaginary friend.

Bloo: Well that settles it Mac I have to watch you pee. I promise I won't make fun of you if you know.

Mac: If what?

Bloo: If yours' is small.

Mac: BLOO!!

Frankie: Both of you out.

MAC AND BLOO LEAVE THE OFFICE AND SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND THEM.

Mac: BLOO IT'S NOT FUNNY WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT MY MOTHERFUCKING DICK IN FRONT OF FRANKIE LIKE THAT.

FRANKIE OPENS THE DOOR.

Frankie: Mac we can hear you in here with the door shut.

Mac: Bloo go over to the staircase please.

BLOO DOES AS HE IS TOLD. MAC SHUTS THE DOOR AND RUSHES OVER TO THE STAIRCASE.

Mac: BLOO THIS SHIT IS TOTALLY UN-FUCKING-CALLED FOR. FRANKIE DOES NOT THINK IT'S FUNNY WHEN YOU MAKE JOKES ABOUT PRIVATE PARTS.

Bloo: Lighten up Mac I'll bet she's in the office laughing her ass off.

FRANKIE OPENS THE DOOR.

Frankie: I can still hear you and I'm not laughing Bloo. You had better quit making jokes about your creator's manhood. 

Mac: Don't put it to him like that. Damn it.

Bloo: Frankie my friend is sensitive about that.

Mac: Yeah

Mac: HEY!

Frankie: Both of you knock it off.

FRANKIE SHUTS THE DOOR.

Mac: I need to take a piss. You're coming and I prefer you not look. Furthermore if you ask me whether or not I circle jerk with Terrance I'm going to kick your fucking ass.

MAC AND BLOO GO TO THE RESTROOM.

Wilt: Frankie do you think this could have been something other than a suicide?

Frankie: That's what I'm concerned about. 

Wilt: But who would have killed Crackers? Crackers was so kind.

Frankie: Fuck if I know.

Wilt: Well whatever happened is not okay.

Frankie: No shit it's not okay. 

FRANKIE TAKES A SEAT AT THE DESK. THEN A LOUD FART NOISE IS HEARD.

Frankie: What the fuck!

FRANKIE GETS UP AND FINDS A WHOOPEE CUSHION WAS PLACED UNDER THE MATTRESS.

Wilt: Looks like the practical joker put a whoopee cushion under your seat.

Frankie: No shit Sherlock.

FRANKIE SLAMS HER FIST AGAINST THE TABLE.

**THIS ENDS CHAPTER 1 STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER 2**


	2. Chapter 2

RETURN OF JOKEY CHAPTER 2

BY SHADOWGATE

THIS IS THE FINAL CHAPTER FOR THIS FOSTER'S FIC.

I DON'T OWN FOSTER'S CRAIG AND THE CARTOON NETWORK DO.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

IT HAD BEEN FIVE DAYS SINCE SOMEONE HUMILIATED FRANKIE WITH A PRANK OVER THE INTERCOM AND THE HOUSE IS STILL IN MOURNING OVER THE UNTIMELY DEATH OF CRACKERS.

3PM MAC ARRIVES AT FOSTER'S.

Bloo: Hey Mac great news! Frankie and I talked and I'm not grounded anymore.

Mac: Really?

Bloo: Yes she said she was so mad she didn't sit back and think about the likelihood that I was innocent.

Mac: Oh that's the most wonderful news I've heard in quite a while.

Bloo: Oh yes

MAC AND BLOO HUG TIGHT.

Jokey: Hey you guys I got a nice new joke to share. It's about a Leprechaun.

Mac: Okay go ahead.

**THE LEPRECHAUN JOKE AS TOLD BY JOKEY.**

"A man walks into the restroom and he starts pissing in the urinal when he looks to his side and sees a small man. The man says to the small man "Wow you are short and you look like a Leprechaun." The little man replies "oh lad I am a Leprechaun and you've caught me. I have no gold but I can grant you three wishes. You can wish for anything you want if you agree to a small catch." The man says "what's the small catch?" The leprechaun says "it's nothing to serious now go ahead and start making your wishes."

JOKEY CONTINUES

"The man makes his first wish. He wishes for a new car. The leprechaun moves his fingers around and says "you will find a new car in your driveway when you get home." Next the man wishes for 5 million dollars. The leprechaun waves his arms around and says "you will find a bag containing five million dollars in your living room when you get home." Last the man wishes for a whole bunch of naked girls and the leprechaun waves his arms and states "you will find naked girls in your bedroom when you get home but in order for all three of these wishes to come true you have to do one thing to make my magic work." The man replies "what's that?" The leprechaun says "you must let me fuck you in the ass for 10 minutes straight in order for all three wishes to be magically granted." The man looks down at the little leprechaun and freaks out. The leprechaun explains "Won't it be worth it though?" The man says "well I guess." The man pulls his pants down and the leprechaun starts fucking him in the ass."

Mac: Holy shit.

JOKEY CONTINUES

"This goes on for 10 minutes and after it's done the man says "alright I'm heading home for my big rewards." As the man walks toward the restroom door the leprechaun asks "Before you leave I would like to ask one quick question how old are you?" The man replies "I'm 35" and then the leprechaun says "you're 35 and you still believe in leprechauns!"

MAC AND BLOO START LAUGHING AS LOUD AS THEY CAN.

Mac: What a fucking idiot!

Jokey: Well I got to get going. My favorite show is on.

JOKEY LEAVES MAC AND BLOO AS THEY NEARLY LAUGH THEMSELVES TO DEATH.

Bloo: That joke was incredible.

Mac: I wonder where he comes up with this shit.

MAC AND BLOO WALK THROUGH THE FOSTER'S HALLWAY OVER THE BIG 'F' WHEN SUDDENLY THE LIGHTS GO OFF AND LOUD CRASHING NOISES ARE HEARD. 10 SECONDS LATER THE LIGHTS COME BACK ON AND MAC NOTICES A BIG HATCHET HAD BEEN THROWN THROUGH THE WALL HAVING NEARLY KILLED HIM.

Mac: What the fuck!! Who the fuck did that?

Bloo: Goddamn it what the hell just happened?

FRANKIE RUNS OUT OF HER OFFICE.

Frankie: What just happened?

Mac: Someone knocked out the power and threw a hatchet. Bloo or I could have been killed.

Frankie: Shit!

FRANKIE GRABS MAC AND HOLDS HIM.

Frankie: Are you hurt? Any cuts?

Mac: No

15 MINUTES LATER INSIDE FRANKIE'S OFFICE.

Frankie: Alright whoever did it temporarily cut the power by flipping the circuit breaker in the hallway not far from the hatchet attack.

Frankie: Nobody saw anything. This is weird. Oh and also the coroner ruled that Crackers drowned but as for whether it was murder or suicide he could not say. I'll say this though while I thought Crackers committed suicide I feel really fucking stupid for saying that. It makes no sense that he'd try to drown himself in a toilet when he could easily commit suicide in other ways.

Mac: You also said soon after Crackers was found dead that "not all imaginary friends are good" which implied that some imaginary friend might have done him in. You weren't sure it was a suicide Frankie. Those who commit suicide are not considered evil just very troubled.

FRANKIE LOOKED TIRED AND DISORIENTED.

Mac: Frankie are you awake?

Frankie: It's been a very frustrating week.

Mac: Hey Bloo would you help Wilt clean up the mess?

Bloo: He's tall and fit he can clean it up on his own.

Mac: NOW GODDAMN IT!!

Bloo: Alright shit

BLOO AND WILT LEAVE AND SHUT THE DOOR LEAVING FRANKIE AND MAC ALONE. FRANKIE REMAINED SITTING AT HER DESK LOOKING EXHAUSTED AND DEPRESSED. MAC STOOD BESIDE HER AND TOOK OFF HIS SUNGLASSES AND ADJUSTED HIS RED BANDANNA. SINCE HE TURNED 12 HE STARTED DRESSING A BIT DIFFERENT.

Mac: Crackers was murdered by someone in this house.

FRANKIE TURNED TO MAC AND SLOWLY PLACED HER HAND UNDER HIS CHIN AND MOVED HER FINGER UP GENTLY.

Frankie: Mac we have to face the fact that you didn't do it and I didn't do it. An imaginary friend living in this house killed Crackers.

Mac: But whom?

Frankie: Well we must look at every possibility.

Mac: Who would be mad enough to just do that to Crackers of all the imaginary friends?

Frankie: Well I'll bet the whole house that whoever killed Crackers was also the one who played those rotten pranks over the intercom. Mac we must be vigilant. Don't roam this house alone. It's very big and easy to get around in where if something happened to you someone might not get to your rescue until it's too late.

Mac: You got that right.

Frankie: Do you think it's Jokey?

Mac: Well everyone's a suspect.

Frankie: Yes accept you, me, Wilt, and Bloo.

Frankie: Mac I hate to say it but right when Jokey returned all this started happening.

Mac: That's true.

Frankie: Plus Jokey watched the boy who adopted him die horribly so he might be lashing out.

Mac: How old is Jokey and who created him?

Jokey: He was created by a kid with cancer 15 years ago. The kid fully recovered from cancer and grew too old for him so he was dropped off here. Then one Saturday we adopted him out, incidentally we adopted him out that Saturday and no other imaginary friends.

Mac: Bloo and I apologized for days for what we did, come on.

FRANKIE GIGGLED BUT TOLD MAC TO BE CAREFUL BECAUSE JOKEY MAY VERY WELL HAVE BECOME EVIL.

WHEN MAC STEPS OUT OF THE OFFICE AND INTO THE HALLWAY BLOO HAS A LOT OF QUESTIONS.

Bloo: You were alone with Frankie for quite a while Mac. Care to explain?

Mac: Bloo I need you to listen to me because I have important news.

Bloo: We're going to have a paddle ball contest?

Mac: Bloo damn it

MAC SMACKS HIMSELF.

Mac: You are not to be alone in this house. There is a killer in this house and we don't know who it is yet. I'm leaving now and again you must never be alone in this house until we find out who killed Crackers.

Bloo: Shit Mac this house is unsafe. Someone threw a hatchet.

Mac: We have a few suspects.

Bloo: Mac don't leave.

Mac: Well Bloo I have to go home.

Bloo: What if someone kills you out there?

Mac: Nobody is going to kill me back at my apartment.

Bloo: You're leaving me in danger?

Mac: You'll be safe if you do as I say. Stay with the other imaginary friends all the time.

Bloo: Mac you should spend a few nights here with Frankie to ensure a 24/7 investigation until the troublemaker is caught.

Mac: I can't stay. My mom would report me missing and that would lead to a whole shit load of problems.

Bloo: Come on stay

Mac: Bloo I cannot stay the night.

MAC GENTLY PLACES BOTH HANDS ON BLOO'S HEAD. BLOO CLOSES HIS EYES AND TRIES TO CALM HIMSELF.

Mac: Keep your eyes open for anything.

MAC LEAVES AND BLOO IS DISTURBED.

Bloo: Wilt you finish cleaning up this mess.

Wilt: Oh no you need to help.

Bloo: My creator might be in danger and I want to be alone in my room.

Wilt: Well it's more dangerous in here than it is out there. Oh wait that didn't help at all.

Bloo: No kidding that didn't help.

Wilt: Bloo it so happens that Mac said don't be alone at anytime in the house so going to your room is not a good idea.

Bloo: Mac's safety could be in danger. How do we know that an imaginary friend who used to live here isn't hanging around outside in the community seeking revenge?

Wilt: We don't but that's why you need to stay with me.

Bloo: You're too much a pansy to fight anyhow.

Wilt: Now that was uncalled for.

Bloo: Kiss my fucking ass.

Wilt: Bloo that was just not okay.

Bloo: Oh that was not okay, well suck the cum out of my dick you stupid motherfucker.

Wilt: I'm sorry but that was totally not okay.

Bloo: What are you going to do send me to my room?

Wilt: That's what I'm going to do.

Bloo: Well I'm going to my room you stupid Goddamn fucking cocksucker.

Wilt: BLOOOOOOOO!!

Bloo: What the fuck are you going to do you overgrown pussy?

Wilt: Now that language is not okay and you're grounded for a month.

Bloo: Go fuck yourself in your skinny ass you stupid motherfucker.

Wilt: Bloo your behavior is totally not okay and we're going to have to wash your mouth out with soap.

Bloo: I don't think so you faggot.

Wilt: Now there you go again and it better stop.

FRANKIE APPEARS FROM HER OFFICE.

Frankie: ENOUGH!

Bloo: Oh shit I'm in trouble.

Frankie: Bloo I got news for you.

Bloo: Oh no

Frankie: Let's go to your room.

FRANKIE MARCHES BLOO STRAIGHT TO HIS ROOM. BLOO LOOKS OVER AT HIS BED AND SEES CHEESE LYING IN IT.

Frankie: Louise came by just a moment ago. Her mom decided it was time to let go of Cheese so he's your new roommate.

Bloo: Oh if I'd known this was going to be my punishment I never would have cussed out Wilt.

Frankie: Oh no that's not your punishment for cussing out Wilt.

Bloo: Oh?

Frankie: You're grounded for a month. No television, no videogames, and no fucking paddle ball. Now go to bed.

BLOO GETS IN THE TOP BUNK AND THROWS ON THE COVERS

Cheese: Louise had her period.

Bloo: I don't give a fuck.

THE NEXT DAY MAC COMES OVER. WILT TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED SO MAC GETS PISSED OFF AND MARCHES UP TO BLOO'S ROOM.

Mac: Bloo Goddamn it!

Bloo: Mac I'm so sorry Cheese is here now. I guess Louise had to bring him here some time.

Mac: What else are you sorry for?

Bloo: I'm sorry I just farted now.

Mac: Oh Bloo

MAC HOLDS HIS NOSE.

Mac: What else are you sorry for?

Bloo: Hey Mac that's really funny when you hold your nose and talk at the same time.

Mac: BLOO!

THEN MAC TAKES HIS FINGERS OFF HIS NOSE.

Mac: Cussing out Wilt was not called for.

Bloo: Wilt was insensitive.

Mac: He was not.

Bloo: Oh right Wilt is never insensitive. He's such a goody two-shoes.

Mac: Well that's totally accurate.

Bloo: Yeah you're right.

Mac: Just keep your eye out for anything suspicious.

Bloo: Cheese is suspicious. He could be an alien.

Mac: Goddamn it that's enough.

Bloo: Mac are you okay?

MAC DROPS TO HIS KNEES

Mac: Crackers is gone and that's been really fucking difficult.

BLOO WALKS OVER TO MAC AND THEY HUG.

Bloo: Mac please tell me who do you think did it? It was no fucking suicide I'm sure of that.

Mac: We have our eyes on a few suspects.

Bloo: Drop me clues that would only be obvious to us.

Mac: Well let's just stick by as close as we can. I'm not saying who I think it is and I'm not saying who Frankie thinks it is. But we have an idea.

Bloo: I hope you two don't think I did it.

Mac: Bloo that's retarded.

Cheese: I stuck a vibrator up my ass.

Bloo: I think Cheese killed Crackers.

Mac: Bloo that's really stupid because Cheese wasn't here when Crackers was killed and Cheese isn't smart enough to actually kill another creature of any kind.

Bloo: That's what he wants you to think.

Mac: BLOO!

Bloo: Alright I'll shut up now.

ALL OF THE SUDDEN MUSIC IS HEARD FROM THE DINING ROOM.

Mac: What's that?

Bloo: Let's go see.

MAC AND BLOO ENTER THE DINING ROOM AND FIND JOKEY WITH A GUITAR.

Mac: Jokey!

Jokey: Oh hey I learned to play guitar over the years.

Bloo: Do you know any songs?

Mac: Yes here's a good one.

JOKEY PLAYS THE GUITAR AND SINGS THE FOLLOWING.

HERE'S A LITTLE STORY ABOUT OLD MAN JED SITTING ON A BENCH

HE WAS HITTING HIS KNEE WITH A MONKEY WRENCH

THEN HE MISSED HIS KNEE AND HIT HIS BALLS

BEFORE HE KNEW IT HE PISSED ALL OVER HIS OVERALLS

HE WENT TO THE KITCHEN AND HE WENT TO FAST

HE RAMMED HIS FINGER UP HIS GRANDMA'S ASS THEN HIS GRANDMA SAID "GET YOUR GODDAMN FINGER OUT OF MY FUCKING ASSHOLE."

MAC AND BLOO LAUGH HARD AND FALL ON THE FLOOR.

Mac: That was one fucking crazy song.

Jokey: I knew you'd like it.

Bloo: Sing more songs

Jokey: Okay here's a song about France.

JOKEY BEGINS PLAYING THE GUITAR AND SINGS THE FOLLOWING.

WE LIVE IN FRANCE WHERE THE NAKED LADIES DANCE

THERE'S A KING AND A QUEEN WITH A RUBBER DINGALING

THERE'S A HOLE IN THE WALL WHERE THE MEN CAN SEE IT ALL

THERE'S A GREAT BIG TOWER WHERE THE PRINCESS TAKES A SHOWER

MAC AND BLOO FALL ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING.

Bloo: One more song. Goddamn

Jokey: Okay but for this next song I will have to play it on the piano.

THEY GO INTO THE FOYER AND JOKEY GETS ON THE PIANO.

Jokey: Okay here's a song you never want to hear at a wedding.

JOKEY BEGINS PLAYING THE PIANO AND SINGS THE FOLLOWING.

HERE COMES THE BRIDE

ALL DRESSED IN WHITE

WHERE IS THE GROOM?

HE'S IN THE DRESSING ROOM

WHAT IS HE DOING THERE?

HE'S WASHING HIS SHIT STAINED UNDERWEAR.

MAC AND BLOO FALL ON THE FLOOR AND LAUGH AS HARD AS THEY CAN.

AFTER 15 MINUTES OF INTENSE LAUGHING FRANKIE COMES OUT OF HER OFFICE.

Frankie: Well I can see you all are having a great time. I hate to break it up but Bloo why don't you go upstairs and wash up for dinner?

Jokey: What are we having for dinner?

Frankie: Pork chops

Jokey: Oh yes!

Frankie: Mac can I see you in my office?

Mac: Sure but I do have to get home soon.

JOKEY AND BLOO GO UPSTAIRS AND GET THEMSELVES READY FOR DINNER WHILE FRANKIE ESCORTS MAC TO HER OFFICE TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH.

Frankie: Mac I've got all the information on Jokey and some of it is not pretty.

Mac: Well share anyhow.

Frankie: The old saying goes…there's a thin line between comedy and tragedy.

FRANKIE GETS JOKEY'S FOLDER.

Frankie: In 1985 a kid with cancer created Jokey because he sure was in need of a friend. In 1987 the kid's cancer went into remission and Jokey was put up for adoption here at Foster's. Then a few years ago that Saturday when he was adopted, I'm sure you remember that Saturday?

Mac: Bloo and I apologized forever after the next Saturday when we found out just how it felt to be tied up and locked in the closet.

Frankie: Yes I remember but upon that Saturday he was adopted he went to a home with a family that lived just two miles away from your apartment. In fact it's located just up the horizons as they say for some reason.

Mac: Oh shit

Frankie: Do you know anything about that community just above the hills?

Mac: It looks like just another nice neighborhood but all sorts of awful things happen there. It's no wonder that when Jokey went there to live that he's come back a different type of imaginary friend. That whole community has drug lords and recently took in some registered sex offenders. That community known as Gated Hills is a community of terror. It's as if the grounds are cursed.

Frankie: Well Jokey stayed there for four years.

Mac: At the end he sees the boy who adopted him hanging. How awful

Frankie: Another thing Mac when it comes to hanging that's easy to make it look like a suicide. This information is well known by many in the scientific community yet not so well known by law enforcement. They couldn't prove anything and I'm not saying Jokey hung the kid.

Mac: So what are we going to do? Get therapy for Jokey?

Frankie: For now security is important. Nothing has happened since the death of Crackers. But always keep your eyes and ears open.

Mac: I will Frankie. I will.

Mac: I have to head home now.

MAC LEAVES FOSTERS BUT JOKEY WATCHES HIM FROM THE SECOND FLOOR ABOVE AS HE WALKS ON.

Jokey: There's going to be a murder tonight.

JOKEY STRUMS HIS GUITAR.

Jokey: Ha ha ha ha ha

LATER THAT NIGHT MAC IS ABOUT TO LISTEN TO THE NEW GOD FORBID CD BUT THE PHONE RINGS.

Mac: Hello

Bloo: Mac come quick we're in serious fucking trouble.

Mac: Bloo what's going on?

Bloo: GET A GUN!!

MAC KNEW HE WAS IN SERIOUS TROUBLE AND KNEW HIS MOM HAD GUNS STASHED. HE WENT TO HER CLOSET AND GOT A PISTOL.

Terrance: What the fuck are you doing?

Mac: Terrance there's a major problem at Foster's.

Terrance: Well that does not mean you can go through mom's collection of guns now does it?

MAC STICKS THE CLIP IN THE PISTOL AND POINTS IT AT TERRANCE.

Mac: I have a problem at the special little home for imaginary friends. If I have to kill you I will.

MAC RAISES THE GUN AIMING RIGHT BETWEEN TERRANCE'S EYES.

Terrance: Mac don't do that!

Mac: Turn around and face the wall.

Terrance: Mac come on I'm scared of guns.

Mac: SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF.

TERRANCE COWERS DOWN AND SQUIRMS.

Mac: That's good you little bitch.

Terrance: Yes Master Mac.

TERRANCE PISSES HIMSELF AND MAC HEADS OVER TO FOSTER'S.

Mac: Bloo I'm coming for you.

MAC TRIES TO OPEN THE DOOR BUT IT WON'T BUDGE. HE FIRES THE GUN THREE TIMES THUS BLASTING THE DOOR OPEN.

Mac: Frankie!

Mac: Bloo

THE LIGHTS BEGAN TO FLICKER ON AND OFF.

Mac: Hello

MAC SEES JOKEY'S IMAGE FROM A PROJECTILE.

Jokey: Is your refrigerator running?

Jokey: Well then you better stop it.

Mac: Jokey!

Jokey: Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

Jokey: Well you better let him out.

Mac: Jokey this shit isn't funny. Now isn't the time for jokes.

Jokey: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Jokey: To take a shit on the neighbor's lawn.

MAC KEEPS WALKING FORWARD AND DUCKS JUST IN TIME AVOIDING A FLYING AX. HE STANDS UP AND SHOOTS THREE TIMES IN THE DIRECTION IT CAME FROM.

Mac: MOTHERFUCKER!!

MAC PROCEEDS UP THE STAIRS

Mac: Hello

Frankie: MAC!!

Mac: Frankie!

THE LIGHTS COME ON AND MAC SEES FRANKIE ON THE FLOOR HOLDING A SHOTGUN. HER LEGS HAD BEEN CUT BADLY.

Mac: What the fuck happened?

Frankie: I was patrolling the house with my shotgun and then the power went out. Then I got slashed.

Mac: Shit

Frankie: Take this shotgun.

Mac: Are you sure?

Frankie: Hell yes and use it to take down whoever is responsible for this shit.

Mac: It's Jokey. He's become an evil fucking clown.

Frankie: We all knew it, it's sad.

Mac: Let me help put pressure on the bleeding.

MAC PRESSES ON BOTH OF FRANKIE'S LEGS TO HELP CONTROL THE BLEEDING.

Mac: That son of a bitch isn't far and I can tell you that.

LOUD EVIL LAUGHING IS HEARD.

Mac: Shit

MAC PUMPS THE SHOTGUN.

Mac: Come on out Jokey. We don't have to end it this way.

Jokey: I'm a killer clown.

Mac: You killed Crackers. We think you killed the boy who adopted you.

Jokey: You're right I killed Crackers but I didn't kill any kids. At least not yet

Mac: What the fuck do you mean by "at least not yet?"

Jokey: Duh I'm going to kill you.

Mac: Hey!

MAC SEES A SHADOW AND FIRES THE SHOTGUN.

Mac: Goddamn it

Jokey: Oh Mac shame on you for blasting Madame Foster's bust.

Mac: Jokey if you give up now we can take care of you. If not I'll have no choice but to blast you.

Jokey: Give it your best shot.

MAC FIRES THE SHOT GUN, THEN PUMPS IT AND FIRES IT AGAIN.

Jokey: You keep missing.

Mac: You son of a bitch.

ALL OF A SUDDEN CHEESE COMES WALKING INTO THE HALLWAY FROM OUT OF NOWHERE.

Cheese: The clown is on the third floor.

Cheese: Hey funny clown.

Mac: Cheese!

MAC RUNS TO GUARD CHEESE.

Jokey: Oh look Mac and Cheese.

MAC BECOMES ENRAGED

Mac: YOU GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH I'LL KILL YOU!!

JOKEY COMES DOWN THE STAIRS.

Jokey: Come on Mac we're pals.

Mac: Hold it right there.

MAC PULLS HIS PISTOL.

Jokey: Oh I see you have a second gun.

Mac: You were going to try something weren't you? You thought I was out of ammo?

Jokey: Yes I did.

Mac: Put your hands up and I won't shoot you dead.

Jokey: Fuck you!

MAC BECOMES ENRAGED BUT SUDDENLY OUT OF NOWHERE BLOO COMES SWINGING A SWORD BUT JOKEY PULLS A SWORD AND A FIGHT ENSUES.

Frankie: Mac just shoot Jokey.

Mac: I can't get a clear shot I might hit Bloo.

THE FIGHT CONTINUES FOR 10 MINUTES BUT JOKEY THROWS A WET SPONGE ON THE FLOOR. BLOO STEPPED ON IT AND TOOK OFF BACKWARDS.

Bloo: I can't stop.

Mac: That's it!

MAC SHOOTS JOKEY'S RIGHT ARM OFF.

Jokey: My creator was often tormented by bullies because he had cancer so he created a mechanism within me to make me a dangerous fighter.

JOKEY TRANSFORMS INTO A GIANT SPIDER WITH RED EYES AND LARGE FANGS WITH ENOUGH POISON TO WIPE OUT AN ENTIRE CITY AND OF COURSE TEAR ANY CHILD TO SHREDS.

Frankie: HOLY SHIT

MAC FIRES EIGHT SHOTS INTO THE GIANT SPIDER. AFTER THAT HIS GUN IS EMPTY SO HE THROWS THE GUN STRAIGHT INTO THE SPIDER'S HEAD FINISHING IT OFF.

Frankie: MAC!

Mac: FRANKIE!

MAC AND FRANKIE HUG AND SOON THE SIRENS ARE HEARD. POLICE AND AN AMBULANCE PULL UP.

Mac: I'm so glad all this shit is over.

FRANKIE IS PULLED UP ON A STRETCHER.

Frankie: Me too Mac

Mac: Just think of all the good Jokey could have used his self defense mechanism for. He could have wiped out the worst bullies.

Frankie: He had so much to offer. But after being adopted and seeing a child kill himself he just went nuts.

Mac: Speaking of bullies and nuts, I left Terrance scared to death and alone.

Frankie: Really?

Mac: Frankie are you going to be okay?

Frankie: I'm going to spend a few days in the hospital. Wilt is going to run things for a bit.

Mac: I got to get home and see if Terrance is okay. I scared the shit out of him with mom's gun before I left.

MAC RUSHES HOME TO FIND TERRANCE PISSED OFF.

Terrance: I'm telling mom you threatened me with her gun.

Mac: Well then I'll tell mom you pissed your pants.

Terrance: I won't tell mom anything I swear.

Mac: Good

THE END


End file.
